$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
