all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
