You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
