I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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