I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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