dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
