I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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