I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
