Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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