some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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