i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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