By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
