Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
