Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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