do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
