Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh god it's open bar.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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