Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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