I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
