brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
