I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
