I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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