Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
