On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
