For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
