okay pat passed out under dana's car
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
