my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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