What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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