i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
smell my finger.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
