I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize