she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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