dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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