He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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