i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
