Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
