she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
