Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
