He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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