DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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