I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
