Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
