In the future we'll all be gay
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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