did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize