i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
