Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize