Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
