I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
