you guys were way drunker than both of me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
