Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize