in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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