I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Randomize
