So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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