it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize