You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
