Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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