smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
