At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
