I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
