they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
