Me. At least after what I've been through.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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