...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
