The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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