Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
