We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
