You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
