What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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