I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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