is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
