Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
